have to admit, I'm personally impressed with the way Weekly Wire is turning out. You may remember that last week we added two additional papers, Chicago NewCity and The Boston Phoenix, to our list of contributors. Now it appears that as many as four additional papers, each from a cool major city, will also be signing on soon. The only question is -- how will we handle the rise in content? Well, as you can see below, our answer is to divide the articles into appropriate departments. We're keeping the divisions simple and logical, so you can dig in to your favorite stuff as easily as possible.

nd what good stuff! This week's news stories cover everything from government corruption to Promise Keepers (though come to think of it, I'm not entirely convinced those are on opposite ends). My favorite piece concerns a 51-year-old widow who, apparently insane, has refused to leave her house and points a shotgun at anyone who tries to convince her otherwise. Authorities in her small town of Roby, Illinois, have spent nearly a month trying to lure her out with bright lights, tear gas, and (worst of all) Barry Manilow music, to no avail. Could this be another Ruby Ridge tragedy in the making?

e've also got a diverting story about faulty "hush kits" for DC-9 plane engines. These giant sky mufflers apparently create the possibility of the engine suddenly reversing itself, causing the DC-9 to spin out of control like a model on a string. I was fascinated by the piece, if only because three days ago I watched in horror as my plane's engine burned out during mid-flight. Fortunately, we didn't spin out of control, though you'd think we were if you heard the hysterical prayers of the woman seated in front of me. How stressful.

peaking of stress and faulty "hush kits," I'm convinced that many of our contributing papers' writers are having nervous breakdowns or something. What else could explain the preponderance of articles about poop, farts, and big tummies on men and women? Maybe it's just a coincidence, I don't know. Maybe they're perfectly sane, and writing about poop, farts, and big tummies just happens to be a passing interest. But I'd recommend the authors read this piece about alternative medicine, pronto, just in case they need holistic healing. Weekly Wire is not a poop, fart, and big tummy kind of magazine. That's The New Yorker. Now dig in!

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Let "Love in Action" Be
To gag criticism of Love in Action's "gay cure" is to stifle options, argues a gay activist. [11]
Brian Pera

Promise Keeprs or Cry Babies?
Traditional white, male values might have been nice for white males, but they weren't too grand for anyone else. [12]
City Weekly staff

Under the Big Top
Maternity wear awaits me, and the choices aren't too great. [13]
Bernadette Noll

Waist Not, Want Not
Pregnant women aren't the only people who struggle with bulging bellies. [14]
Jay Hardwig

Talk Back
Our online BBS is an open forum where you can say anything you like about current events, controversies, or anything else that might be stuck in your craw.

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The Greatest Showdown on Earth
It's one woman vs. the Illinois State Police in the state's longest, most expensive police standoff. [2]
Frank Sennett

Heal Thyself
Why does alternative medicine have many Knoxvillians on pins and needles? Hillari Dowdle documents the rising acceptance of acupuncture, Reiki, and myriad other non-Western medical treatments. [3]
Hillari Dowdle

A Federal Case?
As the Arizona governor was being convicted of bank fraud, the SLC mayor remains untouched by attempts to prosecute her for the Bonneville Pacific fraud. Is she the Teflon woman? [4]
Lynn Packer

Hush Job?
Grave safety concerns are raised by a "hush" device on all DC-9 aircraft. A Scene exclusive. [5]
Willy Stern

Driven To Destruction?
That big rig coming at you on Interstate 19 may be a cross-border angel of death. [6]
Tim Vanderpool

The Official Language
Even Utah is becoming multilingual and multicultural -- but not if Rep. Tammy Rowan has anything to say about it. [7]
Karen Denton

Setting Granny Free or Gambling With Her Care?
For elderly Utah Medicaid patients who feel trapped in their nursing homes, a new program may signal time to break out. [8]
David Madison

Ride On, Yellow Bikes
The Austin Bicycle Plan may finally make some serious headway -- or rather, roadway. [9]
Lisa Tozzi

Riding on the Wrong Side
Many bicyclists around town believe that police may be prejudiced in favor of motorists and the recently amended helmet ordinance was a tool for harassment. [10]
Lee Nichols

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It's a Gas
A tip from Walter Jowers--don't light your farts. [15]
Walter Jowers

Potty Mouthed
Margeret Renkl goes through the ordure of the day. [16]
Margaret Renkl

Hearth & Soul
What would Martha Stewart know about saving money? [17]
Suzy Banks

Hitting The Squids
Why this road warrior will never say die. [18]
Jeff Smith

Mr. Smarty Pants
Our resident know-it-all unearths the latest trivia. [19]
R.U. Steinberg

Odds & Ends
Timed-release news capsules from the flipside. [20]
Devin D. O'Leary

Now What?
Can't get enough news? You're in luck -- more news is created every day. Our Now What? page offers a plethora of recommended links to help keep you living in the present. [21]

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